There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
