JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
