why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize