I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
