I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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