On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your cock deserves a montage
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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