I accidentally burped into my bong.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
third nipple confirmed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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