I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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