your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
