2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
