$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
