So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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