I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
