Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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