I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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