Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
