I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize