I bet he comes in French.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
