theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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