So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
