She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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