how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
