so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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