I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
