He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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