I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
