Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
