i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
