just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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