You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
