A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
