Moan for me like Helen Keller
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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