My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
