Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize