Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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