508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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