you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
