Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
