I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
