Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
