Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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