Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just gift wrapped bread.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
