tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
