I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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