plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
