I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize