I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
