I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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