it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
