piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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