He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
