i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
