We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
