Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
