Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
