she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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