We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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