Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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