jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
