Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it because I queefed?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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