Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
