I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
