Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
