You just made me feel so damn special
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize