i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
