So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
