Whod you bang
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
