Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
