keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
