I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
