I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
