Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize