Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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