I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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