shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
