ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
