Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
