Dual....:-)
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
