time to smoke my breakfast
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
