we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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