Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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