i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
