I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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