Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
