When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
