Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
