it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
