so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
