Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We are two peas in an std pod
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
