please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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