I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
