69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
