Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
