I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
