i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
