3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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