Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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