Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
