Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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